Back to the Start
by Nurse Betty Page
Summary: The Doctor goes to the year 2000 to thank Detective Olivia Benson for saving the life of an old friend - and has timed his visit to enable him to battle with a blood drinking alien. He also hopes to guide Olivia towards the real love of her life - but will she listen to the Doctor, and later when he returns to 2015, will he finally admit the truth of his own feelings to Clara?
1. Chapter 1

**Back to the Start:**

 **Author Note: This is an AU crossover, which pairs the Twelfth Doctor with Clara, and Olivia Benson with John Munch. The SVU setting should be considered around Season One.**

* * *

 **Summary:**

 **The Doctor goes back to the year 2000, to track down Detective Olivia Benson, to thank her for saving the life of an old friend prior to joining the Special Victims Unit. It's a trip back in time he has meant to make for a long while, and he decides not only to thank her, but to have a hand in making a happier future for her – _if_ he can persuade her to realise that Eliot Stabler will always be a friend but never a lover, and that the real love of her life is actually her colleague John Munch.**

 **But the Doctor's visit has also been carefully timed - Liv and El are on the trail of a 'vampire killer', who is actually an alien feasting on human blood, and as the Doctor tries to ensure Olivia's future happiness, he must also stop the alien killer from claiming more victims, before going back to Clara, and facing up to his own truth – that it is time he told her _exactly_ how he feels about her...**

 **Can the Doctor defeat an alien creature before it strikes again, and will he succeed in ensuring Olivia's future happiness, as well as his own with Clara Oswald, who is waiting for him to return in the year 2015?**

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 **Rated: T**

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 **Warnings: Not many, expect some blood and alien violence, some scenes of a romantic / intimate nature, and adult themes / discussions, an emotional rollercoaster.**

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 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but my love of fandom.**

* * *

 **Dedication**

 **~for my sister Ragdolly216 XXXX ~**

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Chapter 1

 **Coal Hill School, 2015**

" _Where are you going?"_

As she asked him that question, Clara looked hopefully at the Doctor, and he knew why – she was used to him turning up at the school and asking her to come outside for a moment, and then she would leave her class and they would walk off together with him wearing the caretaker's coat, until they reached the office where the Tardis was tucked away, and then he would take off the coat, as he was doing now, and beneath it, he wore a dark suit with a jacket of crimson lining. He wasn't her boyfriend but she looked at him like she wished he was. And she was also looking at him like she expected him to take her with him yet again...

"Where are we going?" she asked for the second time.

The Doctor opened up the door of the Tardis.

"Me, _not_ you."

She stared at him.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not going anywhere -not this time - I'm just off to repay a favour for a friend, its nothing interesting."

Clara looked at him doubtfully.

"I mean it, Clara!" he insisted, "A few years back someone did a favour for a friend of mine and I've always meant to pop back and repay her -"

"Her?"

He heard it in her voice, that little spike of jealousy... The Doctor knew how he felt about Clara, he had known in the life before this one that he loved the girl, but even though she had now broken off her relationship with Danny Pink, she had made no attempt to get closer to him, and for the Doctor, making the first move, especially one that would involve such a show of emotion, was difficult. _He kept hoping it would come from her first..._

"Who is she?" Clara asked him, and the Doctor gave a sigh.

"Someone who helped out a friend of mine. And I won't be gone long. I just wanted to let you know that if you need me, just give me a call. I'll see you soon."

"But I -"

The Doctor went into the Tardis, shutting off her words as she looked in surprise at the closed door and then as the machine began to make its familiar groan she stepped back, watching as the Tardis faded from sight...

"I wanted to come with you," she said sadly, her gaze fixed on the empty spot where the Tardis had stood. Then she turned away and left the room, heading back down the corridor to continue teaching her class. And as she walked back, she was _still_ wondering why he had left her behind...

* * *

 **New York, Year 2000:**

Detective Olivia Benson had spent more than an hour at her desk going over case notes, photographs, then more notes, and then she put them down again, ran her fingers through dark, jaw length hair and shook her head.

"Victim's in the bath tub... Doors and windows locked, no forced entry, no struggle...How did the perp get in? I'm missing something, I know I am..."

Her partner looked at her thoughtfully.

"I don't know, Liv," said Eliot Stabler, "But we will find out... Three victims in a week all dead in locked bathrooms, all drained of blood and left floating in water? I'm not even sure this is a sex crime - the only sign of assault we find is a single puncture wound on the neck."

She met his gaze.

"You think we should hand it over to homicide and leave them to try and work it out?"

Then she smiled, and so did El.

"I've never given up on a case yet."

"Neither have I," she replied, and then she thought again about the facts as she knew them to be.

"All in water...but no blood in the water..."

" _Maybe he's drinking it."_

They both turned to see Detective John Munch looking across at them, he was leaning back against his chair and by the look on his face, they both knew he was about to come out with a wild theory that may or may not have the word _conspiracy_ attached to it.

"Drinking it?" said El.

Munch shrugged.

"There _have_ been cases of people drinking blood, it's not like it's never happened before. Blood drinking goes way back through history -"

El dismissed his suggestion at once.

"So how come there's no trace of it left at the scene? What's our perp doing, drinking it through a straw?"

And Liv closed some case notes, blocking out the sight of a dead woman floating in water, her skin white as porcelain, with a deep gaping hole in her neck.

"Three in a week," she added, "It's almost like he's -"

"Feeding?" Munch suggested, and El shook his head as he resisted the urge to laugh at Munch and his far out theories.

"Do you want me to go into Cragen's office and say _Hey, Cap, I think I know what we're dealing with – our perp's a vampire, we just need to check out the cemetery, turn up a few graves, find the one that's just sleeping and drive a stake through his heart._ Yeah, I think the Cap will go for that..."

And then he smiled as he shook his head, but Munch did not smile.

"Forget all you've read about Dracula, that's just fictional. Think about the _real_ ones...human vampires...blood drinking cults, for example. _Now_ tell me it's impossible."

Liv and El exchanged a glance.

"I still want to know how the perp gets in."

El nodded.

"So do I," and he glanced to Munch, "I know he doesn't turn into mist and creep under the door!"

Munch spoke up again.

"And still we're back to no sign of a struggle – did these girls know their attacker?"

"And he ended up in a locked bathroom with all three of them?" Liv wondered.

Munch shrugged again.

"Maybe he's a popular guy."

"No, I don't think they knew him," Liv replied, "And I still don't know what I'm missing."

"They were all in very warm water," El said, "Not just a warm bath, hot."

Liv looked to her partner and then to Munch and gave a sigh.

"No, I don't buy that... too crazy. "

"Why would it be crazy?" Munch asked her, "Hot bath, warm blood... maybe he wants to drink it warm?"

Liv shook her head.

"I don't buy the blood drinking idea," she said, "Maybe he just wants a weird signature, wants to go down in history as some kind of -"

"Vampire?"

She shot a glance to Munch.

"Nut job," she replied, ":Like every other perp we've ever handled who likes to prey on lone women."

Then she got up from her desk.

"Time to go."

Munch had turned back to his computer screen, but on hearing her words, he looked back at her.

"Need a ride home, Liv?"

She shook her head.

"El's driving me tonight, but only because my car's getting fixed. And I don't _need_ a ride, I could get the bus if I wanted to. And thanks for the offer Munch, but I'm not scared of vampires – or anything _else_ this city has lurking after dusk."

As El put on his coat and headed for the door, Munch watched as Liv followed, then El looked back at him.

"Night John," he said, and Munch nodded, and then he turned back to the screen, still searching through police records for a possible lead – and still finding nothing.

* * *

They didn't talk much as El drove Liv home. He glanced at her a few times, knowing her mind was still on the case. When he finally reached his destination, he pulled up and parked and Liv turned and looked at him.

"I don't think I'm going to get this case out of my head until it's over," she admitted, "How many more women is this guy going to kill before we catch him? It's a case with no leads -"

"You need to leave it at work," he said to her, "Get some rest, leave it at work until tomorrow."

She briefly smiled.

"I'll try _not_ to think about a vampire out there somewhere...I know Munch comes up with some crazy theories sometimes, but this time, it really _is_ too far fetched."

El looked into her eyes and thought - not for the first time - how quickly and easily he had grown fond of her. Olivia Benson was easy to like, and _like_ was putting it mildly – if circumstances had been different...

 _No._

He cancelled that thought.

"Munch means well."

"I know he does."

Eliot hesitated, remembering promise to a friend that made this so much more difficult than it ought to be.

"Good night Liv," he said, and she smiled and he smiled back, then she got out of the car, and purely because he cared, he waited until she had gone inside her apartment block before driving away.

* * *

As Eliot Stabler headed home, his thoughts were not on work – because he left that _at_ work. His thoughts should have been on home, but instead they drifted to a conversation that had happened a few months back, when John Munch had confided in him and El had promised not to say a word.

Munch had been married several times, and not to anyone who measured up to her, she was the last person he had expected him to be attracted to – but Munch had told him, _I'm crazy about her, about Liv. You know how I feel about work and relationships, I don't mix them. I don't know what to do. Maybe I can't do anything. But please, don't tell her._

That was the last thing he had expected John to reveal as they sat together at his apartment sharing a beer. And he was surprised after Munch had concluded he had to accept it would never happen, to see him look so emotional. It went deep, it was more than attraction. He got that part, because Liv was easy to fall in love with.

And to Liv, John Munch was just the slightly quirky, bordering on eccentric guy who was part of their close knit team, who she knew through work - and would never be anything more...

Then home was in sight, and El pushed aside all thoughts of work and Munch and his heartache, and smiled as he thought of his wife and his children, and spending the rest of the night with his family, where he could firmly close the front door on the beckoning night and the darkness it brought with it that reminded him of the horrors he saw every day working in the Special Victims Unit. He was going home, where his wife would hug him and he would not mention work, and he could spend time with his kids, and he could just be Daddy for a while.

* * *

Liv had tried to take Eliot's advice, going home and taking a shower and then having dinner before relaxing on the sofa with just the lamp on in the front room while outside, the skies over New York grew dark as evening gave way tonight fall. She had opened a bottle of wine and taken one sip and put the glass down, then she had looked to the window and thought again about the case:

 _The killer was out there somewhere..._

Then she tried again to relax, closing her eyes as she gave a heavy sigh, trying to reach for sleep that seemed so far away.

And then a strange sound jolted her from rest as a groaning wheeze sliced through the air, and a brief flash of light lit up somewhere beyond the partly open door that led out to the hallway.

She sat up and listened, thought she heard a faint sound, like perhaps a door opening...

That was all she needed to jump up and peer around the door, but the hallway was in darkness now...except for a faint glow coming from the spare room, which promptly fell dark.

She was instantly hit with the thought that she was in a bath robe and her gun was in the bedroom – and she partly wondered why she was so wired all of a sudden – she knew what happened, she saw it every day at work, but this was her home, and it was _safe_ , she was smart, she _knew_ about security...

 _There had to be a perfectly rational explanation..._

Keeping that thought in mind, she stayed on the side of caution and saw no movement in the hallway, and then she darted for the bedroom to grab her gun.

* * *

The Doctor was still in the Tardis. He knew he had arrived at the correct destination, and he had briefly looked out, but then decided it would be best to go back inside for a few minutes, and then he waited at the console for a few moments, already guessing Olivia Benson would have heard the Tardis land, and of course would not understand what was happening... _Not yet._

Then he walked to the door, paused again as he collected his thoughts, and felt sure he would get nothing but initial hostility when he went outside and found one of New York's finest, probably armed, and demanding to know who he was and how he got into her apartment...

He opened up the door, and the light from within the Tardis shone into the room. And as he came face to face with Detective Olivia Benson, he saw the look in her eyes as she stood there in firing stance, the gun aimed to hit him square in one of his hearts as soon as he made a move.

He looked at her, and she looked back at him, her aim unwavering.

"Get down on the floor," she said in a low voice, "Don't make me pull the trigger."

And the Doctor stared at her, his mind racing as he wondered how to diffuse the hostility, and then he raised his hands.

"Don't shoot," he said quietly, "I'm _not_ one of the bad guys..."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Olivia kept her grip on the gun as she stood there looking at the tall grey haired man in the black suit with a jacket lined with crimson silk, then as he looked back at her and as he spoke again, she recognised his accent as Scottish.

"I'm not a threat," he promised her, "Please, take a look behind me – that's my ship."

" _Your what?"_

As Liv looked over his shoulder, she realised what she was seeing – and it was something impossible:

He stood in front of the open door of a blue police box, and through that open doorway she saw an impossibly vast room, filled with the kind of technology she had never seen before...

"This is crazy!"

The Doctor lowered his hands, briefly pausing to open up his silk lined jacket to show her he was unarmed.

And still she remained in firing stance as confusion filled her eyes.

"No Olivia," he said to her, " _This_ is crazy. I came here to thank you for saving the life of an old friend of mine – Grace Holloway? She was in New York visiting family a few months back and was almost the victim of what could have been a fatal car jacking. You happened to be in the right place at the right time."

Her grip on the gun was not so tight now.

"I remember her."

"She helped me out once," he continued, "And I wanted to thank you for saving her life. So I went through your time line -"

" _My what?"_

She was still holding the gun, but it was slightly lowered now as she took a step forward.

"This ship is called a Tardis – Time and Relative Dimension in Space. Small on the outside, big on the inside...can you put that gun down, I'd rather it _didn't_ join in our conversation?"

Mistrust reflected in her eyes, and she looked over his shoulder again, taking in the impossible sight of the small box that contained a vast room filled with technology she had never seen before.

And then he turned his back on her and walked back into the Tardis.

"Are you coming in, or not?" he asked.

"What do you mean by _time line_?" she asked him.

"Your past, present and future," he replied, "And when I looked into it I decided it wouldn't be enough to say thank you for saving my friend. I thought, as much as I hate interfering with the delicate fabric of time, that I might try and make your future better than the one I saw."

His voice echoed as he stood there in the console room looking out to her as she looked in, and now she had lowered her gun.

"I'm not sure _what_ you are," she said, looking again at the impossible sight of the big room inside the tiny box, and then the Doctor met her gaze and smiled.

"I'm well aware of the nature of your job. I know you see terrible things every day. Just for once, let me show you something beautiful instead. _Let me show you all of time and space, Olivia._ "

And she was still looking into his eyes, and getting the oddest feeling – as if this man was some how a part of this time and space that he spoke of, it was a feeling that she couldn't shake...

"Wait there for two minutes," she said, and then she turned away and hurried from the room, closing the door behind her.

* * *

The Doctor waited in the Tardis, leaning on his console as amusement danced in his eyes. Then Liv opened the door sharply again, looking back into the room - and was stunned to see he was still there, in his Tardis with the door wide open.

He gave her a little wave.

"Hurry up," he called to her, and Liv left the room once more.

She dressed in semi darkness in her bedroom, throwing on underwear, then jeans and boots and a top and then a jacket, and finally she grabbed her gun and holstered it, keeping it concealed.

 _This was crazy._

 _She had to be hallucinating._

 _But this was too real..._

 _No, this was happening, even though she couldn't explain it, she knew this was real, even though it couldn't be explained._

 _But it would be._

 _She would find an explanation, because there had to be some kind of trick behind that impossibly big room inside that tiny box..._

* * *

The Doctor was turned away from the door when he heard it close. Then as he heard her footsteps approaching, he turned from the console and smiled.

"I knew you would."

She walked over to him, her eyes wide as she took in the sight of the console room, and then she shook her head.

"You knew I would come in here?"

His smile faded.

"I knew you'd come in armed. I know you've got your weapon concealed, but I don't blame you. I promised you time and space, let me show you."

And he threw a lever.

She stepped closer and looked at him.

"Tell me more about you."

"Spoken like a true detective. I'm the Doctor, I'm from a planet called Gallifrey and I've lived many lives with many different faces. I'm currently in my twelfth incarnation."

She looked at him cautiously, doubtfully, but that look of fear was gone from her eyes now.

"You said this is a _time machine_?"

"That's right...Oh, wait... "

He snapped his fingers and the doors to the Tardis flew open.

Liv turned her head sharply, and then she stared at the sight of dark space punctured by starlight as she caught her breath.

" _No...this can't be real..."_

The Doctor stepped closer to the open door and beckoned to her.

"We are protected by a forcefield. You're quite safe."

She stepped closer, looking out in wonder as they shifted through space, as in the distance she saw Earth, and the sight of it set in the velvet darkness as starlight shone all around made her catch her breath again.

"Beautiful, isn't it," the Doctor said.

She nodded, and then she briefly touched her hands to her lips as she held back the urge to weep at the beauty of all she saw.

As she turned her head and looked at him, her eyes were still misty with emotion.

"How...why... _why_ me?"

"Because you did a favour for a friend of mine, so I want to help you. That's enough sight seeing."

He snapped his fingers again and the Tardis doors closed, and then he went back over to the console.

"I wanted to see more."

She was at his side.

He turned and looked at her.

"You asked me about your time line. I decided while I'm here to try and set it right because I don't want you to spend the next few decades of your life waiting for someone who you can't have."

He had spoken softly, and she looked at him questioningly.

"What do you mean?"

The Doctor paused, studying her face:

Olivia was beautiful, and despite the terrible things she saw on a regular basis in her job, she still had hope. She was a woman with a secretly romantic heart, and she wasn't afraid to dream, either.

 _But she was dreaming of the wrong man..._

"I know how the universe works," he said to her, "All those tiny,complicated threads that are supposed to go together a certain way – but sometimes what's meant to happen or what could happen, doesn't. That's like a page full of mistakes that need to be put right and because of that I can justify slight interference in a dropped stitch in the fabric of time. This isn't about altering a course, its about _repairing_ it. "

Liv had heard him, but as she spoke again, he knew at once she had not fully understood.

"So you're saying there's someone I belong with, and he just needs to realise it too."

The Doctor gave a sigh.

"You've half got it right."

"I don't see what I missed?"

"The half you got _wrong_ ," the Doctor replied, and he threw a lever and the Tardis landed.

* * *

For a moment, Liv just looked at him, wondering many things, yet not sure what to ask first.

"Why have we landed?"

It was all she could think to say, and as he replied, she looked at him in surprise.

How do you know we landed?" he asked her.

" _I felt it."_

He shot her a knowing glance.

"Not physically, but in your mind? Well done, you seem to be very tuned into my ship already. You would make a great travelling companion, too – but we don't have time for that. You have a future to rewrite."

That look was back in her eyes, and the Doctor didn't need to ask why, that yearning deep in her eyes came from her heart – and he knew for sure she was still making the same old mistake...

"You're about to feel something _else_ move," he warned her, "But you don't have to. It's up to you. Take my hand if you want to change your future for the better."

Liv looked into his eyes, again getting that odd feeling that this man could well be as old and as wise as time itself.

And her hand was reaching for his before she even thought about it, and then he closed his hand about hers, and in that moment, the Tardis console room seemed to shudder, and the floor beneath her feet shifted. The moment was slight, and then as the Doctor let go of her hand, she looked at him in confusion.

"What just happened?"

"You decided to change your future, and something shifted in your time line. But I don't know what, because so far nothing has actively changed, and now I no longer know if the future we just landed in is fixed or not – its become a grey area."

She frowned.

"What?"

He gave a sigh.

"I'll put it this way – we have landed in your future as it will be if nothing changes. But something _will_ now - it's carrying down the time line like a ripple and sooner or later, it's going to hit. So in other words, what we are about to see is still your future, as it was in time line A, but when we go _back_ , Time line B will kick in, and that means something will change - hopefully for the better. And I can't predict it because you're in a time machine and you just decided within your own time line to alter your future - so what we see when we step outside may not come about, it could turn out differently – but in what way, I no longer know."

She blinked.

"Are you saying you just screwed up the future?"

He looked into her eyes.

"No, I said it's all in _your_ hands."

Liv ran her fingers through her hair and looked about the time machine, fighting off a flicker of panic as she wondered exactly what could possibly change in her future – and whether or not that change would be a good or a bad one...

And then she realised something else.

"You just took me into the future?"

He nodded, watching her carefully as she began to think about it.

"How far?"

"A couple of decades."

"Where _are_ we?"

The Doctor checked his watch.

"You're outside the precinct. If you go in now, you should be okay to take a look around - your unit has been transferred across town while the building gets renovated. Sorry, but I can't risk you bumping into people you know, I can't have you asking questions. Just take a look around, don't speak to anyone you come in contact with - ten minutes, okay? Then I want you back here, because I'm leaving."

She stared at him.

"You can't leave me in the future!"

"No, _not_ with another version of you still out there catching the bad guys. It wouldn't just be a disaster for the universe, but also for the two versions of you. Now go, quickly. I'll wait here."

He saw a flicker of apprehension in her eyes, and then it was gone. Liv nodded, and then she turned and hurried for the door.

As she left the Tardis the Doctor's gaze lingered on the door, as he thought of Olivia, and how she really was in charge of her own destiny now...

* * *

Liv paused outside the building, looking across the street as she caught her breath at the sight of altered store fronts across the street, and she watched as the busy traffic passed by, and many of the cars looked sleek and elegant compared to others she recognised as current where she came from, now clearly older models. As people walked past her she heard a cellphone ringing, and she stared as a woman drew out a device the size of a credit card and began to speak into it. Back in her time, her cell was the size of a small brick...

She dragged in another breath, looked around again as it sunk in that she really was twenty years ahead of her time, and then she hurried into the building.

As she made her way into the office, she passed a couple of workmen who were preparing to start painting the walls in the corridor. They gave her an odd look, and she flashed her badge quickly and then they got on with their work, and she felt pleased with herself that she had flashed that badge so fast they wouldn't have had time to notice it was twenty years out of date...

* * *

 _The place was silent._

She looked around at the desks, noticed the computers looked vastly updated and noted that technology had come a fair way since she had last set foot in the place.

Then she went over to her desk, tugged it open and smiled as a sense of victory came over her:

Clearly, not everything was going to be renovated, because the desks had not been emptied, and she had left some personal possessions in here... She pulled out a diary and frowned as she read notes written in her own hand:

This was nothing to do with work. This was one of her regular diaries for all the daily things she needed to remember.

Liv thought about what the Doctor had told her.

Looking through her own diary, the one she kept for practical notes and dates that had nothing to do with work couldn't possibly be dangerous to read, could it? She hadn't spoken to anyone, she had followed his instructions...

Liv checked her watch.

 _She still had seven minutes._

Deciding that would be enough, she opened it up and began to look through it:

At first, all she found was a few scribbled notes, reminders to pick up laundry, dates for household bills to be paid, and a few reminders about colleagues birthdays - some names she recalled, others, she did not.

And then she turned a few more pages, and found something else:

It was written in pen, under lined, _El, wedding anniversary._..

Liv thought about the years that had passed, and wondered why the words _wedding anniversary_ would be written in her diary.

Then as she wondered on it, many, many possibilities entered her mind, some she dared not think about as her heart skipped a beat.

And all of a sudden, she was reaching for the phone, finding the line still active, and calling Eliot's home number as the Doctor's warnings slid from her mind...

* * *

The Doctor was still waiting in the Tardis.

As he waited, he noted she had around three minutes left. Of course, he had no intention of leaving without her - but she didn't know that, and he was counting on that to ensure she came back. And then a sudden thought occurred to him that although the building was empty, the phone lines were probably still active, the place was only being given a renovation – she could be calling anyone...

 _Not her future self?_

"I'm an idiot," he said aloud, "Trusting a cop not to investigate her own future!"

And then as he considered the potential damage she could cause to the future, he turned dials, smacked his palm against a screen and swore under his breath as it jumped to life, and he began to trace the active line that he had to scramble, the only active line in the building, where someone was making an outgoing call - and he _knew_ who that someone was...

Then he saw the screen indicate the active line had connected with another call, and he thumped it again as he watched in frustration, waiting for the Tardis to lock on to the signal and end it, before Olivia Benson put the whole of her future in potential danger...

" _Come on!"_ the Doctor said aloud, watching as the Tardis continued to try to lock on to the signal, and as he watched, he broke out into a sweat, thinking again what an idiot he was to have thought for one moment that she would have taken his advice and spoken to no one...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As the call was picked up and Eliot and answered, Olivia caught her breath.

This was two decades later, and El sounded just the same, and knowing that came as a great relief - at least he was here, she had a lifeline she needed in this future world – and she didn't see harm in speaking to El, he could only help clarify it all, surely?

He said _Hello_ for a second time, and Liv found her voice.

"El...it's me, it's Liv."

"I know it's you," he said warmly, and then he paused, "Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? No...I...I was just thinking about the anniversary...is it today?"

El paused, and then spoke up again.

"Liv, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. And Liv, I _know_ what the date is."

"Yeah," she replied, "Wedding anniversary...yours..."

He paused again.

"Liv, I _know_ it's my wedding anniversary, and you're supposed to be coming over tonight for the party -"

"Party? But I thought, with the anniversary...I mean, I didn't know -"

El paused again.

"Oh no, I'm _so_ sorry, Liv. I was thinking about me and Kathy celebrating, I didn't realise you might be thinking about what _else_ happened on this date..."

"What else?" Liv gripped the phone harder as she blinked away tears, feeling crushed by his words.

 _It was his wedding anniversary, him and Kathy..._

 _So he would always be with her, he would never tire of her or see more in his deep friendship with his working partner?_

 _She wasn't sure why having secret, dare-to-dream, almost girlish fantasies crushed, hurt so much._

 _She had always hoped that some day, perhaps..._

 _Now she knew that possibility was firmly ruled out._

She blinked away tears.

"Liv?" El said, and she struggled to find her voice again, pulling back on emotion that threatened to betray her secret:

 _She got it now. This was why the Doctor had told her to talk to no one, because there were some aspects of the future that were too painful to uncover so sharply..._

"I'm here," she replied, and now her voice sounded stronger.

"And I'm sorry," he said softly, "I didn't realise you still thought about it after all these years. Of _course_ you do...I've been selfish...I'm talking about me and Kathy and celebrating all the years we've been married, I'm talking about my family and...and you're thinking about what _else_ happened on that date? Do you think about it every year? Has it been on your mind all these years? Liv, talk to me -"

"I'm not sure what you mean?" she said cautiously, feeling utterly confused.

El spoke softly to her again.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, "I remember how it was at the time – I just assumed...well, maybe I shouldn't have done that. I never knew how you felt until it was too late. And neither did you. Maybe I should have said something, but I don't think it would have made a difference, not under the circumstances."  
 _"What?"_ she asked, still caught in confusion. This was the future, she had no way of knowing what was coming next...

"Because he died on my anniversary," El said to her,"And I saw the look in your eyes when you heard the news and I knew I should have told you before, I didn't know how you felt about him, he didn't know either - Liv, are you there?"

A hiss had cut through the line.

"El?" she said, "El, _don't_ hang up!"

But the static cut through, killing the call, and then the line went dead.

Liv put down the phone and then looked at the clock on the wall.

She didn't know what El had almost explained to her, but she did know she needed to hurry to get back to the Tardis, because her time here was up. Liv ran for the door, dashed outside and hurried towards the blue police box, keen to get inside in case the Doctor left without her...

* * *

" _That was more than ten minutes, Olivia."_

The Doctor threw a lever and the Tardis took off.

"And space is still beautiful," he reminded her, his gaze softening as he wondered if she wanted to look outside again, but Liv shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it."

She walked over to the console and leant against it, and the Doctor looked at her curiously.

"Who did you call?"

She met his gaze sharply.

"How did you – _was_ it you who killed the line?"

"I told you, no talking to anyone. I took you forward to show you what my Tardis could do, I didn't intend for you to mess with the time line!"

" _I didn't!"_

He stepped closer and met her gaze.

"But you don't _know_ that. You made a call. A call that wouldn't have happened had you not jumped twenty years forward in time, it's just like this grey area that you created somewhere else in your lifetime when you made the choice to change something – for every change that happens in your time line, other changes happen too – like ripples in a pond. Time is a delicate fabric – and messing with it carelessly can have consequences. Who did you call, Olivia?"

She hesitated, but the longer she looked into his light blue eyes, she swore she could almost feel him pushing into her mind to find the answer.

" _I called my partner, Eliot Stabler."_

"And what did he say to you?" the Doctor asked her.

Liv felt selfish as she stood there, in a ship capable of travelling time and space, selfish because she guessed she ought to be appreciating this experience, but instead, she was wrapped up in her own feelings of loss that were personal and at that moment, it didn't matter that she was flying in a ship that could pass through time and space, because there may as well have been a hole in her heart.

"Some stuff I didn't really understand."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

Now defiance shone in her eyes.

"It...was _emotional_ , okay? Just emotional."

The Doctor stepped closer and that gaze that was locked on hers seemed to threaten to read her mind unless she gave in and talked.

"Stop that!" she said sharply, "You've got no right, I can feel you trying to push into my mind!"

A smile briefly flickered about his lips.

"Then don't lie to me. This is serious, Olivia! Meddling deliberately to the extent you just did could be potentially dangerous! I'm trying to put something right for you that was meant to happen – I suspect you were off chasing a rainbow, am I right?"

Her eyes widened and he caught a flicker of rage, and then it was gone.

" _How dare you say that to me!"_

She looked away from him, not caring that as she blinked away tears she saw a viewing screen that showed the beauty of space. The sight of the universe meant little when nursing a broken heart...

"I thought you might have called yourself, the other future version of you. But then I remembered something I'd learned through your time line and I guessed who else you might have called."

Liv was still watching the stars and thinking on all that El had told her.

"Olivia, _look_ at me."

She turned her head and met his gaze.

The Doctor spoke calmly, carefully, knowing heartbreak when he saw it, and it burned in Detective Benson's eyes like tears of fire. Yes, the news had cut deep, but she still needed it spelled out for her:

" _Eliot Stabler's not your boyfriend, and he never will be,"_ he said, "Nothing can ever change that. While it's true he cares for you as much as you do for him, his family is the glue that keeps his sanity together. He goes home after facing the horrors of his job and they are his reason for being thankful to be alive. And Kathy came along way before you ever walked into his life, and then the children came along too. _That_ is his life. You _have_ to stop thinking of him as this guy who is meant for you – he's not. At least, not in _that_ way. He is, however, meant to be your best friend. And you need to listen to him, because he's been trying to tell you something."

Liv wasn't sure why his words made her eyes glaze with tears, maybe it was because he was confirming what she already knew, or maybe it was because of all El had said on the phone that made no sense...

"I asked him about his wedding anniversary – it was him and Kathy's anniversary, of course."

"Yes, of course," the Doctor agreed, and he tried not to sound so glad about being right because clearly, she felt tearful about it, "And what else did he say?"

"I got upset," she admitted, "For all the reasons you just said, you're right, okay? I _was_ upset. And then he said something about how there was this guy who loved me and I never knew I loved him, he said he didn't think I'd still be upset after all these years, and then he apologised and started talking like he should have known I'd still be thinking of him, because he said he died on the same date – on his wedding anniversary. He was talking like he thought my heart was broken. And I don't know what he was talking about, or who he was talking about."

The Doctor looked at her thoughtfully and nodded.

"Well perhaps its for the best he didn't say any more. And you need to understand that these events happened in the _other_ time line - which you've decided to change, so maybe now you won't be grieving for anyone. But all I can advise you to do is _stop_ this thing you have for Eliot. He's your best friend, he's _not_ the love do your life, and he wants to see you happy, he really does – please, just believe me."

The Doctor turned back to the console and turned a dial, then pressed buttons. As Liv joined him and touched the back of his hand, he drew it back from the console and looked into her eyes.

"I need to know more. Please tell me what you know, Doctor."

He shook his head.

"I can't," he replied, "It's become a grey area, I told you that."

Liv stood her ground.

"You know more, you're just not telling me."

"Maybe you need to find out these things for yourself. I can only go so far when it comes to the fabric of time -"

"Will you stop that _fabric of time_ speech?"

Surprise registered in his eyes as he realised how angry she had become. It was borne of frustration, he understood that - but he was also reluctant to do more to alter her destiny. He had done all he could, he knew what was supposed to happen now - but Detective Benson was better off working it out by herself.

She folded her arms and glared at him.

"You said El's been trying to tell me something. If it's not about him and me, what could it be about?"

The Doctor glanced away from her as he touched buttons on the console.

"About you and somebody _else_ ,obviously. "

Then he turned back to her.

"I suggest you _ask_ him."

She gave a frustrated sigh uncrossed her arms and looked at him pleadingly.

"You've done this much for me, can't you do more?"

And then a ringing sound came from his pocket.

"Excuse me," he said, and took out his phone and answered the call, walking a few paces away from Olivia as he spoke up.

"Clara, how are you?"

"I'm fine, I was wondering when you're coming back," she replied.

"Soon, I have something to clear up."

"What thing?"

"Just..a thing, I won't be long. "

"You sound like you're trying to get rid of me."

"No, I'd never do that. I'll see you soon."

"Okay," Clara said, sounding anything but as she reacted his brisk tone, "Speak later, then."

The call cut off and he put the phone back in his pocket.

"That was Clara."

Liv raised an eyebrow.

"Girlfriend?"

"Close friend."

As he returned to the console she looked at him doubtfully.

" _Just_ friends, then?"

"Yes, like you and Eliot Stabler," he replied.

"So you do wish there could be more?"

"That's _my_ business."

And before she could reply, he threw the lever again, and the Tardis landed.

"Where are we?" Liv asked him.

"Back in your time. I took the Tardis forward a few hours, you can go straight into work. And I'm coming with you."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"I can't take you into work with me!"

He smiled and drew a wallet out of his pocket and opened it up.

She frowned as she read the wording on the ID.

"UNIT?" she wondered.

"I am part of UNIT, but you didn't know that. This is psychic paper, people see what they want to see - or what I choose to project. Your captain will welcome me on the team."

" _On the team?"_ she exclaimed.

The Doctor laughed as he put the paper away.

"Cragen is aware of a task force known as UNIT. He believes, as most do, that UNIT deals with certain specialist cases of international importance. Although I have the feeling your good friend John Munch might know a great deal more about the truth of the matter, if you took the time to listen to him, you would find he actually knows a great deal - and much of what you would write off as conspiracy theories actually have a great deal of truth behind them."

"I'm not close to him at all," she replied.

" _You should be,"_ the Doctor replied, and then the Tardis door opened up and he headed off towards it, as Liv looked at him in confusion, and then she hurried after him.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Liv was still hurrying to catch up with the Doctor as he walked into the precinct and headed for the Special Victims Unit, and he gave her no reply.

* * *

When they reached their destination, the place was almost empty.

Liv looked around.

"Where is everyone?"

Munch turned from the screen where he was still searching for a match on the vampire case.

"Out looking for leads. Who's this?"

As he looked to the Doctor, Cragen came out of his office and approached the tall man in the dark suit.

"Can I help you?"

The Doctor flashed his psychic paper, and Cragen looked at him in surprise.

"UNIT?"

"I was sent over to help you with the vampire case."

Liv looked in surprise at the Doctor, wanting to ask how the hell he knew about _that_...

Munch left his desk and sat in Eliot's seat and leaned closer to Liv.

"UNIT? As in _THE_ task force?"

She looked into his eyes, saw excitement in a gaze softened by the tinted lens of his glasses and resisted the urge to giggle as she gave her reply.

"That's right, John. _UNIT_."

"I could tell you a thing or two about them," he murmured, glancing over to be sure they would not be observed as the Doctor spoke in earnest to the captain, "There's more to them than you might believe – they deal with -"

" _Aliens, I know."_

Munch looked at her, and if he was hurt by her remark, it didn't show.

"Okay, make fun of me, why should you believe a word I say? I'm the conspiracy theorist, right?"

And suddenly Liv wondered why she felt so concerned that perhaps she had hurt his feelings.

"No, Munch – I'm serious -I _do_ know. He told me."

" _He did?"_

He glanced over at the man who was still talking to the captain and then turned back to Liv.

"What's his name?"

"The Doctor."

Munch stared at her.

"You _are_ making fun of me."

She shook her head.

"The Doctor...have you heard of him? Do you know what he is, do you know about the blue box?"

His eyes widened in surprise.

"You know about _that_?"

A sparkle came to her eyes as she nodded.

"I've seen it, I've been inside it!"

"I want to see it!" Munch exclaimed, struggling to keep his voice down, "I can show you a file on this guy – _and_ proof that aliens exist!"

Liv smiled as she met his gaze.

The Doctor was still speaking to Cragen, and she leaned a little closer to Munch as she felt suddenly filled with excitement to have someone to share the secret with.

"I know that now! And I'm sorry for all the times I never listened when you talked about your weird stuff... well, that's what some call it – but I believe you now... I've seen so much, he's amazing -"

She cut off abruptly as the Doctor and Cragen came over.

"This is the Doctor, " Cragen said, "He's been sent over by a special task force called UNIT to help us catch the vampire killer."

"Nice to meet you, Doctor," Munch said, and then as Cragen walked back to his office and the Doctor took a seat, he and Munch looked at each other, and the Doctor smiled.

"He already knows about me,"he said to Liv, "He has links that go deep into undercover stuff, he knows people and he knows secrets – and you know about _me_ , am I right?"

Munch was staring at him in amazement.

"I know about an incident with the Daleks about thirty years ago - I've seen the pictures. You had a different face back then?"

"What's a Dalek?" Liv asked.

The Doctor shook his head.

"Not now, we need to talk about this vampire killer of yours."

Munch nodded.

"Of course we do."

Liv frowned.

"But why?"

As Munch passed the Doctor the case file, he met her gaze and spoke in a lowered tone.

"You haven't worked it out yet?"

Liv shook her head.

"We can't catch the killer," Munch said to her, "This is a case for the Doctor. _Our perp is alien_..."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

" _He's right,"_ said the Doctor in a low voice, and then as Liv listened, he explained:

"Your perp is a shape shifter from the planet Kogradus in the constellation of Jegligua – it is a carnivore and feasts on warm blood - the warmer the better. You're _not_ looking for a human killer with a preference for lone women in the bathtub – _it_ is seeking out the scent of its next meal."

"And how are we supposed to catch this thing?" Munch asked.

"You're not." the Doctor said firmly, "That's _my_ job."

Liv said nothing as she watched the conversation unfold.

Munch was over his excitement at meeting the Doctor, and now as he spoke again, all his concern rested with the case.

"So Cragen's got our people out there looking for a human perp, so this is a waste of police time when it actually needs to be handled by a Timelord from Gallifrey?"

"And what do you suggest doing about that, Detective Munch?" asked the Doctor, "Explain the truth to your captain and have him move everyone on to the other waiting cases, while he lets me get on with catching an alien killer? I can make him fall for the psychic paper but I certainly can't hand him the truth. Even UNIT wouldn't give him that. You have to leave this to me," and he looked to Liv, " _Both_ of you,"he added.

Munch glanced at Liv and caught a look of disappointment in her eyes.

"He understands it better than we do," he reminded her, "He needs to get on with his job, that's why he's here."

"Not _just_ for that," Liv replied as she looked to the Doctor, "You timed it well -coming here for me _and_ to wrap up this case."

Munch looked at her sharply, and the Doctor gave a heavy sigh.

"Not now, Olivia."

Confusion clouded her eyes.

"What, I didn't think it was a secret?"

"I said to talk about this to no one."

" _When you took me to the future."_

Now her tone sounded accusing.

Liv leaned back in her seat and looked at the Doctor. Behind his tinted glasses, his eyes registered surprise as Munch turned to her.

"You saw the _future_?"

"Kind of. What little he would _let_ me see."

Annoyance flashed in the Doctor's eyes.

"You don't understand yet, Olivia," he said, and then he changed the subject as he opened up the case notes on the vampire killer.

"I can predict where and when he will strike - by simple calculation...well, simple for a _Timelord_..."

And the Doctor chuckled and Munch smiled.

"Are you going to share this, Doctor?"

"Yes, but only on the understanding that your role in this will be minimal – and I want you nowhere near when the creature next strikes. Are we agreed on that?"

As he had been talking, the Doctor had taken a pencil and a ruler and marked triangular spikes between the places on the map where the creature had so far hit. As he drew the final line and marked it with an X, he looked up from the map.

"Are we agreed?" he said again, and Liv and Munch nodded.

* * *

Much later, as evening gave way to night fall, they stood with the Doctor outside an empty apartment building. It hadn't taken long for the place to be evacuated, it had now stood empty for several hours, and now their work was done, the Doctor stood by the open doorway and looked back.

"This is where you go back to the car and wait."

"I want to see it," Liv said, "I don't care what planet or constellation it's from, it committed crimes on Earth and -"

"It's a shape shifter," Munch reminded her as he stood beside her on the side walk, "How do you propose _cuffing_ it, Liv?" And he looked at her and she saw amusement in his eyes, but then it was gone.

"But seriously," he reminded her, "This thing isn't the kind of monster we deal with - _not_ a human monster. We both need to stand back on this one."

She nodded reluctantly, and then the Doctor spoke again,"I go inside. There's a hot bath running on floor 2, I will lure it in there. When you see a window open, you call for back up. There's going to be an explosion, but I will be in the Tardis by then."

Munch looked at him sharply.

"Your ship is in there?"

"Yes, and I am controlling the blast from the ship at the split second I leave."

"Where are you going?" Liv asked him.

The Doctor looked at her, right into her eyes and that look reminded her of the journey she had taken in the Tardis, when he had warned her about the future...

"I'm not leaving just yet," he assured her, "Unfinished business."

And then he was about to go into the building, but paused again and looked back.

"You won't get to see the creature, but you will get to take the credit for bringing its killing spree to an end. Do you remember the story?"

Liv nodded, recalling a discussion they had shared earlier.

"The explosion happens as the squad cars are en route," Munch replied, "They see us nearby, and we tell them we trapped the perp, he had an explosive device and we stood down to wait for back up, and then he blew himself up. And so ends the tale of the vampire killer."

"And we describe him like -"

 _"Nosferatu."_ Munch said, cutting in as Liv looked at him and smiled as she shook her head.

"We should invent some _average_ looking guy!" she told him.

"No, no...I want him to _look_ the part!" Munch exclaimed, and then the Doctor spoke up again.

"I'm going inside. Wait for the signal - do it from the safety of your car."

"Good luck, Doctor," Liv told him.

The Doctor smiled.

"I don't need luck," he replied, "These creatures are easy to deal with - for a Timelord."

And then he was gone, he went into the building and did not look back.

Liv was still standing there, looking towards the unlocked door that led into the building.

"Come on,"Munch said to her, "We can't get involved, Liv – this really _is_ too dangerous."

And then they headed far across the street, back to the parked car, as Liv looked over her shoulder and wondered about the creature, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

* * *

The Doctor made his way up to the second floor.

In the apartment, the bath tub was almost full and the room was filled with steam. He took a silver, triangular device from his pocket, placed it on the edge of the bath and then took out his sonic screwdriver and aimed it, and the device opened up, like the sides of a small pyramid unfolding.

Then he saw more mist – coming in from under the door of the apartment, it was thicker than the steam in the bathroom and rapidly heading his way.

"Want a sniff of Timelord blood?" he mused, and then he passed his hand under the running water.

The mist clouded up the room, swirling about him as he hit the device with the screwdriver again, and at once there room was filled with a low screeching sound as the creature was dragged, as a body of struggling mist, into the small device.

He turned off the screwdriver, went over to the window and opened it and hoped Liv and Munch had seen the signal, and then, as the explosive device within the trap began to pulse, he ran back up the hallway, and into the safety of his Tardis.

* * *

Munch was calling for back up.

Liv looked out the car window, and saw a flash of light that reminded her of the glow of the Tardis, and then there was a boom that shook the street as rubble flew about and flames leapt form the blasted out building.

Munch stared at the sight of the explosion.

" _He did it!"_

"I hope he's okay."

Liv looked worried, and Munch quickly put her mind at rest.

"If you knew what I knew about this guy, believe me, you'd not be so worried. This is _nothing_ more to him than trapping a rat! He's defeated entire Dalek armies!"

"What _is_ a Dalek?" she asked again, but then the wailing sirens grew louder as back up arrived along with fire trucks, and the conversation was ended.

"We'd better get our story straight," Munch said to her.

"I know what to say," Liv replied, and they both got out of the car and began to walk towards the approaching sirens.

* * *

The Doctor's Tardis materialised back at Olivia's apartment, and he waited in the ship even though he had arrived two hours after leaving the explosion behind, because he knew the cops would have some loose ends to tie up before Olivia was able to call it a night.

After a short while, he grew tired of waiting in the Tardis and stepped out into the apartment, pausing to turn on some lights for her when she arrived home.

He went into the kitchen and made coffee, smiling as he set about the task - she would be back soon, and then, once she had finished telling him all about how great it felt to take the credit for discovering the vampire killer, he decided it was time to have a _proper_ talk with Olivia Benson regarding her future happiness...

As the key turned in the door, the Doctor had finished making a second coffee, and he turned towards the hallway, planning on meeting her as she came in, but then he paused at the doorway and listened as he heard voices. The door opened and Olivia lingered there, talking with John Munch.

The Doctor ducked back out of sight and continued to listen:

"It's amazing," Munch was saying, "To think the Doctor came to New York to chase an alien predator. And it's even more amazing to know that we witnessed it."

"I know," Liv replied, "It's something we can't tell a soul. I can't even tell Eliot. I want to, but it sounds so far fetched,I don't think I can ever share this with anyone but you."

There was a pause.

The Doctor continued to listen, wondering if he ought to get back in his Tardis and leave as quietly as he could, while he silently hoped that the lack of conversation at the front door suggested what he hoped might be happening...

But then they started talking once more.

"Its late," Munch said, "But I could fit in a coffee before I go home if you want to talk some more about what happened today. Do you, Liv? Do you want -"

"It _is_ late, John," she said apologetically, "And I need to get some sleep."

"I'll see you in the morning, then," he said, "Goodnight, Liv."

"Night, John," she replied, and then the front door closed softly, and from his hiding place the Doctor breathed a frustrated sigh as he shook his head:

Clearly, he still had a _great_ deal to do here...

Then Liv walked into the kitchen, saw the coffee on the table, and left the room again.

"Doctor?" she called out, and the Doctor stepped out into the hallway and joined her, flashing a bright smile.

"You made coffee," she said as she smiled back at him.

"Yes I did," he replied,"Now, shall we sit down and drink it together, while we talk about the future?"

Liv's smile faded and she nodded her head.

"It's about time we got around to that," she said, and she walked with him into the kitchen.

* * *

"So, here we are," Olivia said as she looked across the kitchen table and eyed the Doctor with interest, "And yes I agree, it's time we talked more - because as my future happiness is at stake, I feel I have a right to know what this is all about."

The Doctor paused, and then he looked down at the coffee, gathering his thoughts on a subject that was never going to be easy to raise.

"Well Olivia," he began, "It's like this – you need to stop longing for your best friend, because he's happy with his life as it is and -"

"And we've already been through that. What is it you're _not_ telling me, Doctor?"

"You're very good at switching to interrogation mode, Detective - but I'm not sure how much I _can_ tell you. It really would be best coming from someone else - someone like Eliot Stabler."

Liv's eyes reflected confusion.

"But you just said -"

"He's not the one for you, yes, I know that. But he is your soul mate, your best friend. A soul mate doesn't have to be a lover. Sometimes a soul mate, a friendship that lasts forever, really _can_ be just as precious - and you and Stabler have that. He cares very much about your happiness, Liv. The only reason he hasn't said more on the subject is because the person who loves you made him promise to keep it to himself."

Olivia looked intently at him.

"You're telling me El has been keeping a secret from me?"

She paused to sip her coffee and then she put it down again, gave some more thought to what he had just said and shook her head.

"No,no he wouldn't do that. We share everything, we're partners and close friends, we don't keep secrets."

"But this is a secret that would have put El in a difficult position," the Doctor replied, "Because he's also close to the man who fell in love with you at first sight. And this guy, the one who loves you – he's so good at hiding it."

Liv looked hard at him.

"What about _you_ , Doctor?"

"What about me?"

"Do you make a good job of hiding it from Clara? Because I heard it in your voice when you spoke to her, I saw the look in your eyes. You walked away while you took the call because it was none of my business, you wanted to hide that part from me just like you hide it from her. I know I'm right."

The Doctor's pale blue eyes widened in surprise.

"This isn't about me -"

"Maybe it is," Liv replied, "Maybe you just want to try and push me together with someone because _you_ can't bear closeness with her."

The Doctor looked away as he gathered his thoughts, and then he laughed as he looked back at her.

"Oh, you are observant, Detective Benson - but you're wrong. Not about me, maybe I do love Clara. Maybe I long to get closer to her but know I'll freeze up every time she tries to hold me. So perhaps that doesn't set you and me so far apart. You don't let them in, do you? A few nights, then goodbye, because you can't quite believe anyone would commit in the way you secretly desire, you long for love but only reach out halfway...I know about your past."

Liv's gaze hardened.

" _What?"_

"I told you,I've been through your time line. I know about your mother's rape, I know about her alcoholism, I know it left a scar. But I'm a two thousand year old Timelord whose twin hearts have been shattered more times in more lifetimes than I care to torture myself to recall. You humans have one lifetime, Liv. _One_. Please make the most of it."

He had reached across the table and taken hold of her hands.

She looked into his eyes.

"Can't you just explain to me?"

He shook his head.

"If I tell you everything, I could be risking the outcome."

"So Eliot has to tell me?"

"It's better coming from him. I'm just afraid he might tell you when it's too late, because he's loyal and he keeps promises."

"What do you mean, too late?" she demanded, "You have a time machine, you can go back and change anything - I could even go back and save my mother -"

"And prevent your own creation?" the Doctor said, "Oh Liv, stick to fighting crime. Leave the fabric of time and space to _me_."

She drew her hands from his grip as sadness shaded her eyes.

"So why bother telling me anything at all if nothing can be altered?"

"Because you made a choice to change something, and you know Eliot's your best friend and nothing more. That changes a great deal. And if you want to know who is in love with you, I suggest you ask your best friend."

Frustration reflected in her gaze.

"Can't you just make this easy for me? When I think about all the people I've interrogated over the years, yet I can't get a simple answer out of you -"

"Liv," the Doctor said gently, "I have to handle this _very_ carefully. It's not as simple as you may think. Not too long from now, a short way off into the future, something will happen and someone will die as a result of it. The man who dies, he's the one. He never told you how much he loved you. And you will never stop looking back and wishing for all those lost opportunities unless you come out and say it now and tell him how you really feel."

Liv stared at him.

"But you said it's not El."

"That's right, it's _not_ about your best friend."

Liv blinked away tears as she looked into the Doctor's eyes.

"If... _if_ someone I care about is going to die, _why_ tell me now?If there's nothing I can do to prevent it from happening, _why_ -"

"Maybe you can," the Doctor said gently, "Maybe if he knows he has you on his side, it could make all the difference. I'm sorry Liv,I can't say more. Talk to Eliot Stabler. Goodnight, Detective Benson."

The Doctor briefly touched the back of her hand,and then he rose from his seat and walked out of the room, leaving Olivia sitting alone as her coffee grew cold and she thought on all he had said...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The Doctor waited until morning, and did not come out of the Tardis until Olivia had left for work. Then he stood by the window and watched as she drove away, and then as the car headed off down the busy street, his eyes turned to skies that reflected his own shade of blue as he looked beyond it and thought of all he had said to Olivia Benson the night before:

 _Here he was, trying to alter her future and set it the way it was supposed to be, and she in turn, had said a few things that had certainly set him on a similar path..._

He _did_ love Clara Oswald, he knew it, and Olivia knew it too, she had seen it in his eyes and heard it in his voice. She was certainly a fine detective to have picked up on that, because until now he had thought he hid it well – at least, he did in front of Clara.

 _He always hid it._

Maybe now was the time _stop_ holding back...

The Doctor breathed a heavy sigh as he felt the yearning for her weigh down his twin hearts and he wondered why it was, that even after eleven other lifetimes, he couldn't just come out with it and say it to her. He was a Timelord, he had taken on some of the most feared creatures in the galaxy – yet when it came to love, he always stepped back.

"I'm two thousand years old," he said quietly, "Why do I not know better by now? It's only Clara..."

 _Only Clara._

 _No._

 _She held his potential happiness in her hands, and that was what scared him._

 _Yes, he completely understood why Olivia Benson held back from taking that step and launching into a relationship, because when it came to fear of heartbreak, that fear was not exclusively something felt by the people of Earth. It was something universal, no one wanted to get hurt, even a two thousand year old Timelord..._

Then his phone rang.

He answered it and didn't need to look at the number that had flashed up, of course it was her, it was Clara...

"I'm sorry I'm still away, is everything alright?" he asked.

There was a pause, and when she replied, he detected a hint of surprise in her voice.

"You sound...worried? Is there a reason?"

He laughed to cover a flutter of nervousness.

"No,no - I just thought perhaps you missed me as much as I miss you, I mean, we do, don't we? _Miss_ each other... _sometimes_?"

"Yes, I know we do...I know I miss you. So, what's been happening?"

"Oh, nothing much," the Doctor replied, "I just got rid of a minor carnivorous shape shifting creature – it wasn't a big deal, the alien equivalent of disposing of a large tick... an alien parasite. "

There was a pause.

"Doctor, what's going on? _A parasite?_ "

"And it's gone now, as I said, it was no big deal."

"So why are you still there?"

"Well, I'm trying to repay a favour - a New York detective once saved the life of an old friend of mine, and I'm trying to repay her by pointing her towards the man she should have fallen in love with. That's the only reason I'm still here. But it's not going well."

"Why not?"

"Because she won't open her eyes to the fact that she's in love with a colleague – he's going to be shot soon taking down a violent criminal and I know the out come I saw in the other time line - so I don't even know if pushing them together will change it, but I'm trying."

"Maybe you should just come home," Clara suggested, "I mean, you can only do so much to push two people together."

And he swore his twin hearts skipped a beat.

"Home? My home is the Tardis."

"I...I know that, I just meant -"

"That Earth is my _second_ home? Well, I suppose it is, especially as you're there. Anyway, I have to go...speak soon, bye."

The Doctor hung up the call and then switched off the phone, feeling a rush of euphoria at having said something that hinted at deeper feelings – but as he put the switched off phone back into the pocket of his jacket, he felt more than a little frustrated at the way he had chosen to cut off the call so sharply.

He gave another sigh.

" _One step forward, two steps back..."_ he said aloud, and then he turned from the window and went back to the Tardis, his one true home - where thinking about Clara and his feelings for her seemed that little bit easier - because alone in the Tardis, he felt safe from everything, even from love...

* * *

" _We need to talk."_

As she spoke those words, Olivia was walking with Eliot away from their parked car as she and her working partner, the man she had grown so close to,looked at her with interest.

"What's this about?" he said, and Liv shook her head.

"Not here. When I said let's go out for lunch I didn't mean grabbing a hot dog from a vendor. Let's go some place quiet – there's a diner not far from here."

El glanced at her again and shrugged.

"Okay," was all he said,and then he said no more as they walked on together through the busy New York street, and he tried not to think about what this _talk_ could possibly be about...

* * *

Those thoughts stayed with Eliot after they went into the diner and Liv chose a table at the back, in a fairly quiet corner. This seemed a little too... _intimate_ , and as they took their seats and she looked at him, he smiled, hiding his tension as he briefly twisted his wedding ring and then realised he ought to stop doing that, because she was his best friend, his beautiful best friend, and if this was another life, if he had met her first, sure...it _would_ have happened. _But he had Kathy and the kids._

He kept them in mind - as well as the fact that he and Liv shared a great working partnership that he didn't want to jeopardise - as he silently hoped this talk wouldn't be about her revealing certain feelings he really didn't want to discuss...

Eliot said nothing as Liv ordered two coffees, and then he looked at her across the table and took a deep breath, looked into her eyes and tried to forget again, as he did all the time, just how attractive she was...

"You wanted to talk to me. All I've heard about this morning was how you and Munch tracked down the vampire killer. And this guy from the special task force who came over from the UK - he sounds interesting. Shame he had to leave so soon. But it's not about any of that, is it?"

Liv's eyes widened and for a brief moment she seemed stuck for words, and then the moment was gone as she shook her head and moved the conversation along as she spoke up again, pausing first to smile as it struck her how odd this would all sound.

"I heard something going around...about _me_... and I thought perhaps I ought to ask _you_ about it."

"Heard something? Like what?"

Now El was smiling as amusement danced in his eyes.

"Is this a rumour about you and that Scottish guy who helped you catch the perp?"

She thought of the Doctor and laughed as she shook her head.

"No, but if there is one, forget it. He was very professional."

And again, she felt stuck for words as she thought about it all:

 _Timelord, Tardis, time travel..._

 _It was just too much to think about, let alone explain._

El looked at her thoughtfully.

"Help me out here, Liv, what's going on? Talk to me - I can't read your mind."

 _But the Doctor could._

 _She had felt him trying to get in there, and he could have if he really wanted to, because he was alien...He had even showed her the future, a future she needed to change before something terrible happened..._

El knew her too well and could not fail to miss it - he instantly saw a change in her.

"Liv?" he asked,"What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost."

She shook her head.

"I...I was just thinking -"

The waitress brought the coffee over, asked if they wanted to order lunch, and El waited for her to speak first and when Liv declined to order, so did he. Liv didn't speak again until the waitress had left their table.

"You're thinking, _what_?" he asked her as he leant on the table and looked at her intently.

She looked into the eyes of her best friend.

"Who should I be with, El?"

He carried on looking at her as he silently hoped this was not about him.

The mantra, _Kathy and the kids, Kathy and the kids,_ went through his mind like the old familiar routine that it was as he continued to look at his best friend.

"I don't know what to say to that. Someone you deserve,I think that's the right answer."

"I don't want the _right answer_ , I want you to be honest with me."

"I am, Liv!"

She paused for thought.

"Eliot, I need to know something. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth, even if you don't want to say it, just tell me, okay?"

He nodded.

"Hit me with it."

"I think that maybe someone cares for me far more than they show and I need to know about it - because I think perhaps it could be significant to me."

El nodded again, and then he breathed a relieved sigh to learn this was _not_ about her unspoken feelings for him.

"Okay, yes, that would probably be accurate - but if someone does, it _doesn't_ mean I'd break a promise and tell you who it is."

She looked at him in surprise.

"You're _hiding_ this from me? Cut it out, El – we don't have secrets!"

El smiled as he shook his head.

"No, I can't say a word, because I promised to keep it to myself. But you know him well. And he knows _you_ well enough to be very justified to feel as he does, and I think you'd make a great match, I really do. Think about it, Liv."

" _Think?"_

"You're a detective, _you_ work it out!"

Then as he saw the look on her face, his smile faded.

"Liv, why so serious about this? I know someone who is crazy about you, a guy who I genuinely think is perfect for you, and you're looking at me like this is life or death!"

"I...I just need to know," she added, "I _really_ want to know, El."

And Eliot looked at her thoughtfully once more.

"Okay," he said, "I'll give you some clues but no names, because I promised. He's a cop, and he's older than you."

She stared at him for a moment, and then she laughed as she shook her head.

"Stop it, El! I'm being serious!"

"So am I!"

"I just don't see him that way...me and Cragen just wouldn't -"

" _You and Cragen?"_

El laughed, drawing his hand back from his coffee as he got the laugh out before he even considered picking up the cup once more, "No, _not_ the cap!"

And she looked utterly bewildered.

"So who else could you be talking about?"

El gave in.

" _Ask Munch."_

Liv looked at him.

He looked back at her.

Now she was getting it...

" _John Munch?"_

"I never said a word," El replied, "So, are we eating in, or grabbing a hot dog outside?"

And Liv just shoved the menu over to El, as she sat there deep in thought. After she eventually ordered and the food arrived, she still said little as she turned over all that El had told her, and then she thought about what the Doctor had warned her about, and as it all came together and she recalled how she had looked into his eyes the night before and briefly, the thought had passed through her mind of what could have happened if she had invited John Munch in for coffee, the pieces started to fall into place...

 _It made sense._

 _She did like John, in fact she cared for him a great deal._

 _Liv had just never thought about it before, never worked it out..._

* * *

As they drove back to work, El was at the wheel and Liv sat beside him, and she was still turning over all she had learned. The pieces had definitely fallen into place, and as she looked at El, she blinked away tears as she wished he had been present when she and Munch had met the Doctor, because now it was simply too late to say so much and explain it all away...

"I...I think I feel the same way."

He glanced at her and then turned his gaze back to the road.

"About Munch? That's great, Liv. But keep it out of the squad room. No one gets too close at work, you know the rules. Talk to him at the end of the day, take it from there, you know I won't say a word."

"I'll do that," she replied, and then they arrived at their destination.

El parked the car and got out first and Liv followed, and they walked into the building together, as she stayed silent, turning over all she had learned and all the Doctor had told her as the surge of emotion she suddenly felt took her by surprise - the Doctor had said, he was going to die unless something changed. She even knew the date of his death – her best friend's wedding anniversary:

 _El and Kathy's anniversary was four days away..._

 _Did that mean she had four days to save Munch?_

* * *

As she walked into the squad room she glanced at Munch who was talking on the phone, and he nodded to her and smiled and she smiled back and suddenly noticed how his gaze softened _every_ time their eyes had ever met.

But she sat at her desk and said nothing, knowing Eliot was right when he had told her to keep this out of the squad room. As she tried to get on with work, Liv was only sure of two things:

 _She needed to speak to Munch, and then she needed to go home and talk to the Doctor, because she had to find out more about exactly why John's life was in danger..._

Liv was sure she had never watched the clock so much in her life.

When the end of the working day came around, El had smiled and said good night, then he left and suddenly the time had grown late and she and Munch were the only ones left in the squad room.

As he had left, El had shot her a glance, a look that wished her all the luck in the world, and she was sure that wish had given her the strength to decide to take a real chance on Munch, because her best friend _and_ a time travelling man from space couldn't _both_ be wrong...

Munch was turning off his computer as she joined him.

"Going home?" she asked, and then it struck her that it was pretty obvious, and perhaps not the most striking remark to make. Under the circumstances, given all she knew and had on her mind, she wasn't surprised her conversation was less than riveting, but she hoped Munch didn't think that too.

He left his desk and put on his coat and hat.

"I don't have any other plans, Liv," he replied, and as she joined him at the doorway, she saw again the way he looked at her, his eyes became so soft, so full of fondness - and she wished with all her heart that she had noticed it before...

"I don't have plans either," she replied, "And I was wondering if you'd like to come back to my place for that coffee you missed out on last night."

Her words took him by surprise and he smiled.

 _Liv was inviting him back for coffee?_

 _This had to rank up there with the experience of meeting the Doctor..._

 _She just didn't know how much she meant to him,and although he was sure that wouldn't come into the conversation, an evening with Olivia Benson was something he wasn't going to turn down._

"I'd love to," he replied as warmth filled his voice,"I mean, its not every day we meet an alien time traveller and can't tell any one else about it."

She briefly wondered about the Doctor, and if he would still be there when they got back. But knowing all she had learned, she was sure he would be keen to keep out of the way when he saw they were together for the evening.

She and Munch left the building together, and as they talked some more and she smiled and so did he, and she still saw a look of such deep fondness in his eyes, her own hopes began to rise as she felt sure this was a move in the right direction - perhaps now _everything_ would turn around for the better...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

When they arrived back at the apartment, Liv glanced towards the doorway that led to the room where the Tardis was concealed. At least, it _had_ been there this morning...

She didn't want the Doctor to open that door and come out and make his presence known, not this evening, not when she wanted to fully understand exactly what it was she felt for Munch, but at the same time she wanted to check the room to be sure the blue box was still there – if it had gone, so had her hope of trying to avert disaster because the Doctor knew much more than he had chosen to share - and if he was still there come morning, she had already decided she would get to the truth of the matter, she would make him tell her everything he knew...

Liv tried to push those thoughts far from her mind as she sat in the front room on a sofa beside John Munch and smiled and listened as he talked of how thrilling he had found the whole incident with meeting the Doctor and being part of the day he arrived to destroy the alien threat.

"It's such a special thing, it's like a secret that's almost too much to keep, but we know we have to - you feel the same, right?"

Liv smiled.

"Of course I do. I wish I could tell everyone about it, but I know if I said a single word about aliens and time travel and all the rest of it, I'd be out of a job. No one would believe _that_."

And then his gaze lingered on hers, and she did not make any attempt to look away, because for the first time she was feeling drawn to John in a way she had never imagined possible before – she had never known until now just how much she felt for him, and how much she welcomed that, surprised her.

"What?" he asked softly.

Olivia was still looking into his eyes.

"I was just thinking," she replied, "Maybe I've missed something."

"Like what?" he asked.

Liv leaned in and gently kissed him.

At first, he was taken by surprise, but that moment soon passed as he instantly relaxed and cautiously put his arms around her, drawing her closer as he returned her kiss.

 _And in that moment, it made sense to both of them._

As Munch pulled back, his eyes shone with joy.

"Yes, we both missed that. For too long," he agreed, and then he kissed her again, and as she wrapped her arms around him and their kiss deepened, and her heart raced as she felt desire building within her, desire she had never acknowledged before, along with a rush of love for a man who she had never known she could feel so much for, had the Doctor not come along and woken a love deep in her heart that until now, had been sleeping...

* * *

They wasted no time leaving the front room.

"Are you sure about this?"John whispered those words softly as they lingered by Liv's bedroom door.

"You wouldn't be here if I wasn't," she said, and their eyes met and then no more words were needed as she opened the door, took him by the hand and led him inside.

The next few moments were silent, save for his hands sliding over her clothing and kisses exchanged between them, then she fell back against the mattress and ran her fingers through his hair as she looked into his eyes.

"This feels so right," she murmured, "Why didn't I see it before?"

Munch smiled.

"Better late than never," he told her, and then he wrapped his arms around her and they kissed again, this time with urgency as their need for one another deepened, and then as they rolled on top of the covers of her bed, and Liv caught her breath and said his name in a soft voice as he began to make love to her, it seemed the world had been set right.

 _At least, that was how the Doctor saw it as he lingered in the darkened hallway a short distance from the open bedroom door..._

As he heard Liv give a sigh and Munch catch his breath, he turned away, deciding he had heard far too much and this night belonged to them, a night he had no right to share. But as he went back inside the Tardis, he felt sure the fact that they had found each other had to count for something. Then he recalled what Clara had said, about how there was only so much he could do in this situation, and he thought of the fabric of time and space and how he always meddled a little too much when he intended to change as little as possible - this time, he would stick to his decision...

* * *

" _Are you coming back any time soon?"_

The Doctor paused before finding an answer, he had managed to grab little sleep the night before and now it was early morning in New York, and he had watched from the window as Munch had left Olivia's apartment and got in his car and drove away.

And as he watched, he had stood there thinking deeply about the extent he ought to interfere in the events of this time line, but then he had switched on his phone, seen four missed calls from Clara, and then the phone had rung again, and so he had answered it, apologising to her for not picking up before and blaming a low battery.

"Soon," he promised her, "I'll be on my way soon."

"And how is it going, this mission of yours to bring two people together?"

"I think its working," he replied, "But I also think I might be too late. She still doesn't know-"

 _The Doctor had stopped speaking._

"Doctor?" said Clara, "Are you there?"

He had turned from the window to see Olivia Benson standing there in the room, she had come in quietly while his back was turned, and now she stood there fixing him with a hard gaze as she folded her arms and silently demanded an explanation.

"I still don't know _what,_ Doctor?"

"Clara, I have to go, I have some explaining to do."

The Doctor hung up before she could reply, and once more he turned off his phone before slipping it into his pocket.

"Olivia...shouldn't you be on your way to work?"

"I'm taking a half day off," she said, "But if I'm needed, if something happens, I'll be going in anyway, why do you ask?"

" _No reason."_

She stepped closer and unfolded her arms, the look in her eyes cooling as she used a well disciplined mind to switch to cop mode.

" _Stop_ lying to me! Tell me what you know, because if John is in danger -"

"He is," the Doctor admitted, "But I'm hoping the fact that you and him just got it together will be something positive that will get him through this. In the other time line, he was alone, he had no one. Now he has you. I have to be careful what I tamper with, Olivia. A little too much interference and the future could wind up in a disastrous mess. The smallest of changes can do no harm, or do a great deal. Time is fickle like that."

Liv took another step closer, he looked back at her with an unwavering gaze, but it seemed that very little intimidated Detective Benson.

"Tell me," she demanded, "Because you cared enough to put us together, you made sure I found out how he feels about me, it mattered enough to you to help me then, don't tell me you no longer care because you tried so hard to make me see he was the one – why stop now?"

The Doctor gave a sigh.

"I don't envy any suspect you get to interrogate," he said honestly, "But as I said before, I can't meddle too much in case my effort to help has the opposite effect."

Her eyes glazed over but the hint of tears was more to do with frustration and anger than fear for the safety of the man she loved.

" _Tell me what happens, tell me how to stop it!"_ she demanded.

The Doctor drew in a breath, let it out slowly and turned briefly to the window, where he looked to the skies and thought of Clara, and concluded perhaps she really was where he considered _home_ to be. Maybe home would _always_ be with Clara Oswald...

"I'm trying not to get too involved," he admitted, "Because you're a nice person - more than that, a great person. If there were more humans like you on this planet the world would be a much better place. And John Munch is a great guy. He's the sort of guy I'd welcome into my Tardis. I'd love to travel through time with him, show him that he's right about more than one of those conspiracy theories he holds such belief in. But like your code of conduct at work, mine is similar towards _my_ relationship with the fabric of time and space - I can't get too close, either - it's okay to pick up a dropped stitch, but it is _not_ okay to try and unravel it to the extent that I leave a gaping hole. I've done all I can. Now I _have_ to step back!"

Liv's gaze reflected confusion.

"But you're here to help, so _help_ me!"

"I'm sorry, I've done all I can."

He turned away from her, looking back to the window as he could no longer bear to see the look in her eyes.

"I know you think this is unfair, but this is dangerous, for _both_ of you - if I meddle now, who knows, something worse could happen later down the line? Maybe putting your life at risk too by re-sorting events into another order? I have no way of calculating these odds. The general rule is, leave the time line as preserved as possible. It's not always possible to do that, but I try, especially where it involves the lives of others."

" _Tell me what happens to Munch."_

She had worn him down.

The Doctor turned back from the window and met her gaze.

"I have to weigh it up, Olivia. And I have to hope that I was right about my assumption that love would be enough. Because I can't stop the events that will unfold. If it never happens, a dangerous man will remain free on these streets claiming more victims. And it's supposed to stop today, when Munch pulls a gun on him."

Olivia stared at him in alarm.

"Today? When, what time, what else happens?"

The Doctor gave a heavy sigh.

 _"A call came through about a guy your people have been after for quite a while - a sex killer. John is closest to the perp because he's driving through that part of town, so he tailed him, the perp got wise to it and there was a car chase. John called in for back up and trapped the guy in a blind alley. He got out of the car, he was armed, he told the guy to surrender. But he didn't. Instead he fired three shots, one hit Munch in the chest. Then back up arrived, and there was more gunfire, and the cops shot the perp dead. John was in a bad way. He died three days later from the gun shot wound."_

Liv had fallen silent. She blinked and a tear ran down her face.

"No," she said in a hushed voice, "No, I can't let this happen!"

 _"You can't stop it,"_ the Doctor told her quietly, and then he checked his watch, _"John Munch was in the area because he was on his way to work. The shooting happened ten minutes ago. You're about to get a call."_

Liv stared at the Doctor, and for a moment she felt as if all air was gone from the room as she struggled to take a breath as she continued to look at the man from space who thought he knew everything.

"And you think, even though you run away from it, that love will be enough to pull him through this?"

The Doctor nodded.

"I'm sorry Olivia, but it's the best I can give you. I can't meddle any more with this time line. The phone will ring. It will be Elliot Stabler telling you what happened. Go and see Munch, stay with him. I know I'd want Clara with me if my life was in the balance."

" _Bastard!"_

The stinging slap she dealt him knocked him sideways, it was dealt with a force much harder than Clara had ever managed, and he totally understood why she had done it, too.

Tears burned in her eyes along with rage as she glared at him.

" _You let him get shot?"_

"There was no more I could do! I'm sorry. The ability to travel through time _doesn't_ guarantee the ability to make everything right. Just go to him,Olivia. He needs you. I really do think if you're there for him, he might pull through this."

Olivia just stared at him for a moment, shaking her head slowly as she looked at him in contempt.

"You don't understand time as I do," he told her, "Please believe me, you are the key to him pulling through this - if the events hadn't unfolded as they did this morning, a dangerous man would still be alive, out there on the streets and even more lives would have been lost! John was always meant to confront him on this day, it's a fixed point in time!"

"And you think me loving him will be _enough_ now?" she said in a hushed voice as tears ran from her eyes, "How can I believe this coming from a man who runs away from love? I hate you, Doctor. If I ever see you again, I swear, I'll have your balls in blender and that's just to _start_ with! I will _never_ forgive you for this!"

And then the phone rang and Olivia ran from the room, and she answered it quickly, briefly exchanged words with El, and then the Doctor heard her give a sob.

" _I did all I could,"_ he said quietly, and just as Liv put the phone down, she heard a sound like rushing wind and turned her head, in time to see the Tardis fade out of sight and disappear.

* * *

When Clara heard the sound of the Tardis landing, she was on the sofa in the front room watching TV. Outside the late afternoon skies were clouding over and darkening as rain began to fall and tap at the window, and she got up from her seat and walked down the hallway, and then saw the Tardis was back, it was there in a cramped corner of her bedroom.

As she approached it, the door opened and the Doctor stepped out.

She was about to ask him if it had all turned out alright, but then she saw the look in his eyes, and for a moment, he seemed utterly lost.

"What's wrong?" she said softly.

The Doctor stepped closer to her, and she saw deep sadness in his eyes..

"Maybe everything, or perhaps nothing at all. I didn't stick around to find out."

"Why not?"

He couldn't answer her for a moment, as he recalled what Olivia Benson had said to him, about how he ran away from the chance of love. Then he drew in a breath and found his voice again, but as he spoke his tone was hushed.

"I took a chance on love being enough," he said quietly, "And I don't know if I succeeded or failed. Who am I to make such a judgement? Hold me, Clara. "

She stared at him.

"Did you just ask me to -"

"Yes, _hold_ me."

He stiffly held out his arms, and as she embraced him, he tensed, but then he held her tightly, and continued to hold on to her.

"I realised something while I was away," he whispered, and she pulled back a little and met his gaze, and was surprised to see tears in his eyes.

"What was it?" she said.

"I realised how much you mean to me," he said as emotion choked his voice, "I love you, Clara Oswald."

And as his words sunk in, she wanted to kiss him, but as he grabbed her again and held on tight and wept against her shoulder, all Clara could do was embrace him as she said softly that she was sure he had done the right thing, and then she promised him that she loved him, too. But the Doctor stayed silent as he held her, his thoughts back in the year 2000, as he wondered if Olivia Benson and John Munch would also manage to get the happy ending they deserved...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

As Olivia Benson sat alone in the hospital corridor, she thought of all the Doctor had told her before he had decided to leave in his time machine - leaving her with the consequences of his decision. Anger built up inside her that would have been hard to contain, if not for the fact that she was afraid for Munch...

She blinked away tears as her vision blurred, and she drew on all of her strength not to break down and cry for a second time:

 _He had known._

 _The Doctor had known what would happen._

 _He had stood by and done nothing to change it._

 _How dare he assume he could trust in the power of love to alter this?_

 _He didn't even have the courage to face up to emotion, how could he gamble on it knowing a life was at stake, when he ran away from feelings in his own personal life?_

Liv straightened up in the seat and gave a heavy sigh, guessing it was pointless to be angry with a man who was gone from this time and place, who was out there somewhere, far from earth and maybe not even giving this situation a second thought...

 _Was he really that selfish?_

Liv didn't know, but then all thoughts on the Doctor were gone as she stood up and breathed a relieved sigh as Eliot Stabler approached the waiting area.

"I came as soon as I finished up the loose ends at the squad room," he said to her, "This closes the case, but it didn't end the way anyone wanted it. No one ever wants to use deadly force, but there was no other way. How's Munch?"

"I'm still waiting for news," she said, and El stepped closer and looked into her eyes, seeing such a look of grief there it was more than he could bear.

"I'm sorry it turned out this," he said, "And I really hope he makes it."

"So do I."

Liv's eyes filled with tears, and El put his arms around her and gave her a hug, and then as he let go, she drew in a breath and straightened up, mentally pulling herself back together once more.

El's gaze filled with warmth as he smiled.

"You'll be okay, that's all you needed - a hug from a friend."

"All I need is for Munch to be okay, last night we -"

She cut off mid sentence, but the look in El's eyes told her at once that he got it completely.

"You got it together?"

She nodded and blinked away more tears.

"So maybe you should stop thinking it was all for nothing," he said softy, "I don't believe these things happen randomly."

"You think it's all part of something deeper? I don't know what to think any more. When the Doctor was with us working on the case, he told me something - he said he thought love was enough to get a person through anything. And he doesn't even _want_ to face up to his feelings for the woman in his life, so what do you make of that?"

El's reply surprised her.

" _I make him right,"_ he replied, _"Love is undeniably the strongest emotion, it can overcome anything. And as for the Doctor being afraid to face up to it, I don't blame him. Think how painful it is to go through the heartbreak when things go wrong."_

She looked at him thoughtfully.

"You're saying he could be right?"

"What difference does it make?" El asked her, "Why does it matter so much what this guy said to you?"

She shook her head.

"Maybe it doesn't matter," she replied, "All I know is, I'm not going home until Munch is out of danger. I'm staying with him,I'm not going to leave him alone. He was all alone before we got close, and he needs me now."

"Detective Benson?"

Liv turned sharply to see a nurse approaching them.

El saw Liv stiffen with tension and he stepped closer to her, and as he did so she glanced at him and he saw real fear in her eyes as she dreaded the possible bad news.

"I'm right here," he reminded her, and as they stood close their hands touched, and then linked, and then Liv gripped his hand tightly.

"How is he?" she asked as the nurse joined them.

"He made it through the surgery, but he is in a critical condition – I'm sorry but you need to prepare for the fact that it's possible your colleague won't survive his injuries. He's being moved to ICU, then you can see him."

"I'd like to stay with him," Liv said, "I'm going to stay around until he's stabilised."

The nurse nodded.

"Fine, I'll send someone to fetch you shortly."

"Thank you," Liv replied, and then the nurse walked away.

"I'll stay too," El told her, "But soon, you need to get some rest."

She glanced over at the chairs in the waiting area.

"I'll grab some sleep when I can. I'm _not_ leaving him."

"Okay," El replied, "Do what you need to do."

Liv met his gaze, and now her tears had dried and he saw determination in her gaze.

"I'll do what ever it takes," she said to him, "John needs to know I'm here, he needs to know he's not alone. That's why I'm staying. He needs me."

* * *

Clara reasoned that she ought to be happy the Doctor had finally told her that he loved her, but with his thoughts on the situation he had just left behind, she understood completely why he was not taking her to bed and celebrating their joy, because after explaining what had happened during his trip to New York, she guessed he wouldn't have anything else on his mind until he faced up to all he had run away from.

"Did I do the right thing?" he asked as they sat together on the sofa in her front room.

"I don't know," Clara replied, "I suppose you could have warned both of them and then he wouldn't have got shot, but what about the murderer he caught that morning? He would have escaped and carried on killing. Maybe he never would have been caught. The victims would have kept on piling up... I don't know, Doctor. I think you did what you believed was right."

He looked into her eyes.

"Do you still think I'm trying to be a good man?"

Clara's gaze softened.

"I don't think you could be anything less," she promised him, "But the only way to stop tormenting yourself is to go back and find out what happened after you left."

The Doctor gave a heavy sigh.

Clara caught the reluctant expression on his face and then she got up and held out her hand.

"Come on, let's go, then."

He rose from his seat and took her hand.

"I know you're right, of course."

"When have I ever been wrong?"

"I can think of a few occasions," he replied as they walked together to her bedroom and she led him over to the Tardis.

"But I'm not wrong this time," she reminded him,"This time, you really need to go back and find out."

He was still holding her hand as he opened the Tardis door.

"I know you're right," he replied, and he led he inside, and then as they walked up to the console, he let go of her hand and paused to input a destination.

"I'm going to see her in 2010, it puts a good distance between the shooting and seeing me again. I just hope it's turned out okay," he added, "Because last time I saw her, Olivia Benson said she wanted my balls in a blender!"

And then he threw a lever and the Tardis took off, heading back to New York, to arrive ten years after his previous visit.

* * *

As the Tardis landed, the Doctor paused again and looked at Clara.

"I really do hope it worked out for them - if I find out my theory was wrong, I can't undo the damage. I'll have condemned her to a lifetime of heartache and I shall always know I could have stopped John Munch from taking that bullet."

He looked at Clara, hoping she would come out with something wonderful, something to lift out his unease as he considered his own actions, but she didn't.

"You know I love you," she said to him, "And I'm going to be honest with you, Doctor - maybe he died and she does hate you for it - but you won't find out hiding in here."

He gave a sigh. He knew she was right, but as they headed for the door, it was Clara who went first, the Doctor staying close behind, still thinking on the choices he had made as he wondered how the future had turned out.

* * *

"Where are we?" Clara said as she looked around the long, pale hallway of the large apartment.

"I don't know," the Doctor replied, "This isn't Liv's place."

"But the Tardis took us where we need to be, right?"

He glanced at Clara.

"This is somebody's apartment in 2010 – but I've never been here before..."

Then Clara noticed the pictures on the wall.

"Recognise these people?" she asked him, and as the Doctor looked around and saw the photographs that were framed on the wall, he breathed a relieved sigh:

Clearly, this was the new apartment where John and Olivia resided – and the outcome of the Doctor's decision ten years before had clearly been the right one, he knew it for certain as he looked at the photos on the wall, their wedding picture, then pictures of their children...

" _Doctor?"_

John Munch had come out of the front room and was walking down the hallway to join them, he looked to the blue police box and then at the Doctor, and then he smiled.

"At last, I get to see your Tardis!"

Then the Doctor introduced his companion.

"This Clara, she's my girlfriend."

Clara looked in surprise at the Doctor.

"That's a first," she remarked, and he smiled and then spoke again as he looked to Munch.

"Did Olivia tell you about the choice I made? She hated me for it at the time, and if she still does, that's fine, I understand. Maybe you hate me too."

John shook his head.

"No, I completely understand the dilemma. I would imagine the fabric of time and space has to handled carefully – too many changes could be disastrous. That's what I said to Liv when she told me about it."

"And does Liv share that view?" he asked, but Munch had already switched to another subject.

"You were right about everything," he told him, "Liv stayed with me after I was shot, she didn't leave my side. First thing I heard when I woke up was her voice," Munch smiled as he thought back, and then he briefly reached up and touched the top of a scar that was just about visible down the middle of his chest, exposed by partly open buttons.

"It took me a while to get over the shooting. By then Liv was pregnant and we got married and then she got pregnant again, and by the time we had two sons and a daughter I concluded I was better off retiring because Liv had a lot of years left in the force and she wanted to go back to work full time, so that's how we did it."

"Where are the kids?" Clara asked.

"At school," he replied, and then he checked his watch, "I have to leave in twenty minutes to pick them up. Liv should be home soon, she's finishing early today."

The Doctor looked intently at Munch.

"I'm sorry I had to make a decision that saw you take a bullet. If there could have been any other way -"

Behind the lenses of his tinted glasses, warmth reflected in his eyes as he spoke again.

"There's no need to apologise. That shooting put me and Liv together for life. She pulled me through after I was wounded, she took care of me when I came home and then when I was recovering and had my strength back I said I didn't know if I'd ever want to get married again - but she was the person I wanted to make a family with. And so we had baby number one, and then we talked some more and we _did_ marry. After that I think she decided we'd end up with a big family, but that's okay. I love our kids, and Liv loves being pregnant."

Then he laughed softly.

"I couldn't have wished for my life to have turned out any other way, Doctor - you know what I call that shooting? _My lucky bullet._ It was the crisis that brought me together with the woman I love, it brought us together for the rest of our lives."

And then his gaze shifted back to the blue box at the end of the hall.

"Can I take a look inside the Tardis?"

The Doctor smiled.

"Of course," he replied, and they walked together to the Tardis door. As the Doctor opened it, Munch stared inside and then paused to look on the outside again, before following them into the console room.

"Liv's described this ship to me over and over," he said, "But actually _seeing_ it is amazing..."

And he looked around again.

"It's amazing," he said again in a hushed voice.

"What do you do when the kids are at school?" the Doctor asked him, "Don't you get bored, don't you miss the police work?"

He looked across the console and smiled at the Doctor.

"I don't miss my old job at all," he said, "I'm a full time conspiracy theorist now. You wouldn't _believe_ the stuff I'm investigating, there's _so_ much of it out there waiting to be uncovered!"

Then he checked his watch again.

"I really should go – I don't want to, I want to see more of your ship - but I have to be on time for the kids and I want to leave before the traffic gets crazy."

Then Munch left the Tardis with the Doctor and Clara, and just as they stepped out into the hallway once more, the front door opened and Olivia Benson walked in.

She looked up the hallway to her husband, then for a moment her gaze shifted to the blue box, and finally, to the man who had altered her destiny.

"Doctor?" she said in surprise, and he nodded to her.

Then as the Doctor walked up to her, Clara and Munch followed on, pausing halfway down the hall as Munch indicated proudly to the pictures of his children.

As the Doctor joined her, Liv looked at him, and it was impossible to read the look in her eyes as she stood there in a long thick winter coat, clearly she was recalling all that had happened following the shooting, and the Doctor was glad when she broke the silence first.

"Are you going to ask me if I think you did the right thing?" she said.

"I just want to know if my balls are safe. Last time you saw me you wanted to shove them in a blender."

Liv took off her coat and hung it up.

As she turned back to him she smiled, and her eyes shone with joy.

It was then the Doctor noticed Olivia Benson was heavily pregnant.

"How can I regret any of this?" she said, and looked at the Doctor fondly, "What happened could have ended us, it could have finished Munch and wrecked my life. But it didn't turn out that way. It was tough after the shooting, and out of that, two people who were afraid to love and look to the future learned not to be afraid any more."

The Doctor smiled too.

"I'm glad," he told her.  
As Clara and Munch joined them, Liv checked her watch.

"School run, John?"

"I'm on my way," he told her, and then he paused to put on his coat and hat, and then he turned back to the Doctor and Clara.

"Before I go I'd better introduce you to the other member of our family," he said as amusement danced in his eyes and he placed his hand on Liv's baby bump, "This is our fourth child – another girl - we haven't decided on names yet, but so far I call her _Unplanned Pregnancy Number Three_!"

Liv laughed as he kissed her cheek, and then he left to pick the kids up from school.

* * *

As the door closed, Liv looked at the Doctor and gratitude shone in her eyes.

"You did make the right choice," she promised him, "And I think of you every time I kiss my children goodnight, every time I wake up next to John. You were right about everything."

Liv stepped closer and gave the Doctor a hug.

He froze slightly, and then stepped back as she let go.

"I'm grateful," she promised him, "Because we both have so much to thank you for."

The Doctor looked back at her fondly.

"I think you both did a great job of making the most of life all by yourselves," he said to her.

"And what about you?" she asked him, "Have you decided to take a chance yet?"

"Yes I have," he replied, and linked hands with Clara.

"We should leave now," the Doctor added, "It's been nice knowing you, Detective Benson."

And Liv smiled, and he was sure he had never seen her looking so happy.

As he headed back to the Tardis, she called his name and he looked back.

"Any time you want to stop by, you're welcome to do so," she reminded him, "If I'm not at work catching the bad guys with Eliot, I'm home here with John and the kids. Don't lose touch with us, okay?"

He nodded.

"I'll try not to," he told her, and then he went inside the Tardis with Clara, and Liv watched as moments later, the blue box shimmered, faded, and then disappeared, as the Doctor and his Clara took off and shifted dimension, away from New York and far from Earth.

As the Tardis vanished, Olivia Benson stood there for a moment, just looking at the place where the blue box had stood, and then she thought of how life had turned out for the better for all of them, and guessed that right now, the Doctor was out there somewhere, with Clara, who knew for sure that he loved her, and Liv smiled radiantly, her gaze still fixed on the place where the Tardis had stood as she thought of the man who had changed their lives, and then she made a wish for him out loud:

" _Be happy, Doctor,"_ she said, _"Where ever you are, just be happy. It's all that matters in the end."_

End.


End file.
